4startingover (4startingover) wrote in to_eat_or_not,

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Not a good day for me...

Usually I am very aware of what I put into my body. I am trying to slowly become a vegetarian again. I felt better when I was a vegetarian. However, my downfall is coffee. Ten calories of warm goodness. Filling. Caffeine=metabloism booster. But today for some reason I wasnt even hungry and I just kept eatting. I work in a cafe and dinner was just redicious. I wish I could go back in time. I couldnt even do anything about it. I have this strict rule about people finding out that I have an eatting disorder, and purging at work is not an option. I was very upset withmyself for the rest of the night. I came home and took the dog for an extra long walk. The gym in my apt complex had already closed so I could go work out. I have a lot of guilt. I hate the "i ate and know I am overweight" guilt. I am having a very fat evening.
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I don't know what to do, really.
I have mia/ana tendancies.
I go on fasts... I used to be obese and, well, I lost three stone in weight but at the moment I am STUCK and I have been so strict on my diet in the last week and I have lost NOTHING.
So, I dont know what to do. I purged up my soup last night cos I ate too much. I had bowl of cornflakes, fruit and soup yesterday.
I understand where you are coming from. This weekend is my 21st birthday... and I am eating whatever I want. I've decided that as soon as I go home, I am going on a diet. I am going to loose 21 pounds this year. I have my restrictions all picked out. I just hope it works. Sometimes I feel very stuck and like even my restrictions arent working. If you ever want to talk my screen name is notablenoone. :::hugs:::
Hey, hun.
You msged me about your 21st birthday.
Look, you can do it. You can loose the 21 lbs, you can.
Be strong and have faith. You can do it.
And, rememeber,I am here for you.
Add me as a friend, if you have not already.
We spoke on AIM a bit though.
Thank you! its good to know other people are supporting me in this! :::hugs:::
We all support each other, silly. :P
I hope your day has been ok.
Fucks sake.
I am sick and tired of being STUCK at this mother fucking weight.
I have been the most strict in fucking AGES and i weighed myself today and I was 204lbs NOT 200lbs like I was three days ago.
I am sick of it. What is the point of me trying to lose more?
My body just won't do it and I am fucking SICK of it.
Sick of seeing all these bloody skinny people when all I want is to be thin. I have very low thinspiration right now and I am in a foul mood and I am SICK of it. Sick of the waiting, SICK of the stupid scales *throws them*
There is just no fucking point.
God. I cant even LOSE weight properly.
A guy harassed me today.
He asked me if I liked to "fuck" and whispered dirty shit in my ear.
Im just sick and tired of being fat.
And, I am really really feeling very shit right now.
I cant even lose weight properly.
I hope all of you are well.
Emma. xx

First off, I dont believe in that thing people commonly call, "thinspiration". All that is is us looking at skinny models and saying wow i'm not shaped like that.
Second off... the best way to get your metabolism up is to exercise. I am on a new exercise schedule. Its helping... slowly but surely.
Its just one bad day... things will get better. I have faith you will loose weight. We all will.
Thank you very much for your kind words.
I am doing a lot of exercise.
I hope you are doing ok.
I am still feeling shitty food wise.
I have had a very restricting day.
hugs. x